going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
