$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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