I'm going to jail i love you
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
