I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
