I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
