This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
wakey wakey hands off snakey
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
My feet surprised me
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