just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
