All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
