I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
