The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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