I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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