whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize