If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
