My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
