I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
