Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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