you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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