just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
