WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
