i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
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I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
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What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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