Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
high people should be assigned attendants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize