You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
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