these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
