it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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