Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
