dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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