Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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