took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
