I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
