So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
