I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
