I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
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