Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
