The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
