i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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