think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
