yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
