So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Randomize
