Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
