White coat. Heels.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
