One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
