I'm jealous of your bromance
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
