my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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