Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
