i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
