Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
