Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
