Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
so much tequila, so little girl.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
