6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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