every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
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You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
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well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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