Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
