He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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