How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
