she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
