So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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