I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
