____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
