I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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