I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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