White coat. Heels.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
