what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
