I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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