i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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