Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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