I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
