its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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