What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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