They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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