life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
