Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
