fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I just want nice things and good sex
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Randomize
