no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
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I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
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I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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