Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize