What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
