I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
