Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
