Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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