I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
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it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
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I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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